Wednesday, August 15, 2012

I Wish I Knew What to Say

My sister and I have a crappy relationship. We can get along as long as we stick to superficial topics and I don't give her my opinion on things. Even when asked, I never give my opinion since it ALWAYS backfires on me. In all fairness her opinion normally pisses me off and I pretend that one of the kids needs me so I can get off the phone. She lives across the country so I almost never see her in real life. And if I'm being really honest, I like that we don't see each other since it ALWAYS ends in a fight.

So there are many times that I wish I could say something to her, but I keep my mouth shut to keep the peace. Normally after we finish talking it's over and I don't really think about it again.

But the last conversation I had with her I cannot shake. She sent her daughter out this summer to see her cousins and I had some professional pictures taken. I sent her the link this week and she called me to complain. I was not all surprised to hear her complain since my middle child refused to smile. But she was calling to ask why her daughter was in a ponytail since she looks terrible in a ponytail.

Me - Um, she was in a ponytail because she asked her Grandma to put it in a ponytail. And I think she looks cute.

My sister went on to complain about how terrible her daughter (age 6) looks in a ponytail and that it makes her head look too big. And that she's told her daughter that it's not the most flattering hairstyle on her.

REALLY? She's six and adorable. My youngest daughter sometimes sports 6 ponytails since she just makes up a number in the morning and I go along with it. It's hair, who cares? And you should see the picture of her with 5 ponytails, it' my favorite so far.

I'm glad that my niece wasn't there to hear her mom rant about how terrible she looks in her favorite hairstyle. But I worry about what she does hear. In all fairness, I don't know what she says to her. For all I know she just complains to me and gets it out of her system. But in the back of my mind, I cannot shake the feeling that she critizes her daughter too much. And that worries me since I still hear my mom saying that my shoulders look too manly in spaghetti straps whenever I try on a shirt or dress with spaghetti straps. And then I think I'm ugly in it and I put it back. Childhood issues party of one.

So what should I do? I don't want to upset her, and really I'm not there to see what is happening first hand. How do you say to your sister - you know you really shouldn't criticize your daughter's appearance, you'll give her a complex? I'm pretty sure that would do over as well as me shaving my head and entering a beauty contest.

2 comments:

  1. How heartbreaking. Kids take things like that to heart. I hope she isn't saying it where her daughter can hear her.

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  2. That is so sad. We as adults need to be more aware of our words, thoughts and feelings especially around young ones.

    Following you through Thursday's Connect Cafe. Hope you can stop by and visit. Have a great weekend!

    Julie from Stlavonlady - a cat, a girl, a man and me!

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